Beginnings

Beginnings

I have now spent a little over three weeks in India and I feel as though I finally, almost sorta, know what I am doing here. My first few weeks here were a struggle, if my journal was an essay purposeless would be in the list of keywords. I stepped off the airplane with gusto, enthusiastic to jump into a project to do. Unfortunately, things run a little slower here in India, but that frustration is for another blog post, and for the first two weeks I wrestled with the tension of not knowing how I can help here. It is easy for me to blame the NGO, its lack of organization and support, for the ways I felt forgotten, like I was wasting my time here, but I think I learnt some important lessons in this turmoil of so badly wanting to help but not knowing where or how and in all of the waiting. In my first few weeks here disillusioned is the accurate word to describe my emotions. I was disappointed in the NGO, feeling that their accomplishments were meagre, like we were being sent to do kids crafts while others were building houses. But more importantly I was disappointed in myself; I thought I was better than all of this sitting and at the same time that I was incapable of standing.

          After a couple weeks, and a long hiking trip, I decided I would take over a project a volunteer started teaching sewing to women in the migrant camp to create bags out of recycled materials. Even the concept of taking over someone else’s project rather than starting my own project meant I had to crush my ego, even though I love this project! It combines my long-time hobby of sewing with my passion for waste reduction and women's empowerment and the idea of helping to alleviate some of the poverty in the migrant camp, where they have no electricity, running water or even roofs over their heads, is justice at work; it is exhilarating and humbling.

I have come to view my initial stage of being overwhelmed and disappointed and confused a necessary part of the freedom that EduCAREs internships offer, so don’t shy away if you struggle to find your place like I did and don’t give up before the work has begun. You are capable. And with resilience you can do great things with this organization. Here is a poem I wrote for an arts and advocacy night at my school that I think relates to the tension that I felt. There in the rubble of my ego and impatience and complaints and fear: in my destruction, that is where it began.

(DVMer is what we call international development students at my university)

Hey DVMer

I see you.

If you had your say your very life would be a shelter

For every weary wanderer.

Squishing them all in,

To protect them from the pitter patter, or the scorching sizzle

Keep them safe and secure

Their saviour.

But their whispers make you wonder…

What if my shelter is too small? Too big?

What if they want their own shelter? Or no shelter?

What is my shelter is crumbling? Tearing down forests? De-rooting culture?

What if my shelter is a prison?

And your foundation of fine intentions shifts.

Your shelter smashing down,

You think your life, your degree, your world -helpless

You do not know what shelter means to them.

You are realizing that it is a whole lot easier to simply leave the weary wanderer alone.

But amongst the rubble of your disillusionment

The weary wanderer picks something up

And in your destruction,

That is where it all begins.

All the best,

Morag Mackenzie

SWASH Project Manager